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PatchWork
by Joyce Whitis |
My, oh my, just what in this world, or out of it, is the little city of Burleson up to now? First time I remember reading about them in the news was when they decided that cheer leading uniforms were just too "daring" for the girls to wear to school. Never you mind that it was a tradition in Burleson High, just as it is across Football Land (Texas), for girls so honored as to be elected cheerleaders to wear their short skirts to school for pep rallies on game days.
"My stars, Claude, wearing your uniform to school on Friday, why that's one of the perks! Every last one of us understands that! If you don't know that, you don't know diddley!"
This new rule, made by the Burleson Board of Trustees, as I recall the story, set off a real storm of complaints mostly by the girl cheerleaders or their mothers which is generally one and the same. They didn't want to wear warm-ups or jeans or something below those short skirts, thus ruining the entire effect of being built to lead cheers in the first place.
This rough had hardly died down to a grumble when that very same School Board hit the teachers with a "ban those books" edict! The books that they said should be removed from the teaching plan consisted of time worn classics, many of which had won prizes for excellence. Such books as Tom Sawyer and To Kill a Mockingbird were ordered removed while disbelieving teachers were backed against the wall.
Once the judges of the high court that rules the $24 million new high school had straightened out the cheerleaders, their mothers, the librarian and the teachers, they settled back in their plush chairs to witness what they had wrought.
It was not to be! It seems that the school district in its infinite wisdom, had commissioned wildlife sculptor Stephen LeBlanc to deliver a life-size bronze of a Rocky Mountain elk for Burleson's new high school. Now there were irate calls from mothers whose daughters were embarrassed by the anatomical correctness of the elk! Obviously if Tom Sawyer couldn't come to school here and cheerleader uniforms were banned, what was a mature male elk doing in the lobby, even if he was cast in bronze?
Right now if Burleson Schools aren't exactly the laughing spot in the state, at least they deserve a good hearty snicker. And about now we come to the really good part. It's almost Halloween, right? This the time of the year when little kids and adults who never quite grew up, dress up in scary stuff and run around the neighborhood gathering up candy and whatever else is free. Everybody seems to get a big bang out of the dress up evening and scaring somebody with a fake monster face is a real kick!
Guess what one church in Burleson has cooked up for a fun evening? Visit the Burleson Baptist Temple and go straight to Hell! Hell IV to be exact! They have already brought you Hells I, II, and III. It will cost you $5 to go to hell in Burleson (some residents say it's much less than that), and on the back of the ticket there are disclaimers. Basically they are the same as those one encounters when attempting to enter certain parts of the Internet. Phrases such as, "graphic scenes, not recommended for children under the age of 13, I release Baptist Temple of any liability......"
Well I guess not! Although I have never personally, nor do I ever intend to visit any depiction of Hell be it I,II, III, or IV, out of morbid curiosity I read a sort of preview of coming attractions. Living Hell, as they call it, features a ritualistic sacrifice, a teen suicide and an abortion for starters. One man said, "They showed a woman upon a table having an abortion. I just walked out."
Until now the only time I'd ever been to Burleson was to take cull cows to the sale barn. Apparently they have a lot more going on over there than I would have ever believed.