It must be a daunting task for an actor to read a script and then decide its worth. Does whether or not the magic comes together rely on chance? I can just picture Nicholas Cage sitting on his California deck reading “The Wicker Man.” He’d be reading intently, gripped by the plot’s surprising twists, becoming more and more certain with the turning of each page that the role of Edward Malus would be a winner. At some point, Nicholas Cage had to say to his agent, “Tell them ‘yes.’ I’ll do it.”

            How could Academy Award winner Nicholas Cage have gone so wrong?

           “The Wicker Man” sent me right off over the edge. The opening scene of this horror-mystery-thriller will make you gasp and spill your popcorn. Unfortunately, that’s the movie’s best scene. As the minutes go by, this film worsens to the point of becoming laughable.

           Cage plays police officer Edward Malus whose former fiancée enlists him to help her find her missing daughter. In the years that have passed since their break-up, Willow (Kate Beahan) has returned to her spooky island home where a strange sisterhood of women calls the shots. All the women are mean-spirited, and all the men are stupid.

           Malus doesn’t let their blatant inhospitality get the best of him. Instead he blunders into the inner sanctum, asking questions, and investigating with great aplomb. No one, not one single woman on the premises, will certify that Willow’s daughter is “missing.” They know exactly where she is, and they take Malus to her grave to prove it.

            As the search for any definitive answer begins to appear futile, Malus is swept into the midst of a sisterhood harvest ritual. Sister Summerisle (Ellen Burstyn), cult leader and main sister, calls the island population together for a convocation to invoke the mighty honey bee spirits. Hence, the movie’s name: it take a giant man made of wicker to ignite the spirit.

           At this point in the film, the merely bizarre takes a turn to the completely ludicrous. Sisters of all sizes and ages come trekking through the countryside, donning weird animal masks. Only one wears a bear costume, and Malus executes a full body tackle to steal her bear suit. What better way to infiltrate the sisterhood of the honey bee than as a big brown bear? Unfortunately, it’s difficult to take a man in a bear suit seriously.

           Circumstances what they are at the ritual, Malus encounters more than he’s bargained for, and the situation turns sinister. 

            Nothing could’ve saved this movie. Not good acting or surprising cinematography. Not great directing or impeccable attention to detail. It was doomed from the beginning, even with a fine actor like Nicholas Cage in the lead.

            If I could have a minute with Nicholas Cage, I’d ask him one question: Are you a gambling man?

Rated PG-13 for disturbing images and violence, language and thematic issues.