| A Word Edgewise by Mary Joe Clendenin |
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| A Word Edgewise by Mary Joe Clendenin |
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Last Updated 01/20/06
COMPASSION LACKING IN CRIMINALS
Compassion. Empathy. From recent news reports it seems that compassion and empathy are no longer present in the characteristic makeup a big percent of people. Children killing children, young people preying on the old or disabled, men and women damaging children, and other deeds with no regard to human destruction, are being committed before the perpetrators develop the capacity to know the heartbreak and suffering destructive deeds cause. Maybe some would never develop such a capacity.
How does one gain noble traits such as compassion and empathy? How can another help a child develop the capacity to feel for others? I don't know for sure, but I have some ideas of how the development might occur. It is not from playing video games where the winners are the ones who destroy without feelings, who become heroes by wiping out all opponents. Nor is it by watching movies or television where villains are lauded and emotions of rage control the past, present and future.
Horror and violence may be needed to tell a story, but not as the chief ingredients of the "good guys". Characters that show sympathy and compassion are the ones we hope viewers and readers will identify with.
Many books, both modern and the classics model the feelings we need to develop early in life. For example, in Old Man and the Sea the fisherman identifies with the great fish he catches when he goes out too far. He calls the fish brother and has compassion upon it. After his battle with the fish--and after the battle with the sharks that finally leave nothing but the skeleton of the fish roped to the side of the old man's boat--the fisherman finally makes it home. Falling and staggering under the weight of his supplies the wounded exhausted man falls upon his bed of newspapers in his shack and sleeps. The boy in the story, after seeing the eighteen foot marlin skeleton, finds the old man on his bed. Emapthy is defined simply as "Your pain in my heart." The boy stares at the man's wounds feels the sting and agony as the playing-out line cuts again and again through the skin in the palms of the bleeding hands. He shudders as he sees the marks cut by the line in the old man's shoulders. Uncontrollable tears wet his face. He wonders at the courage it took to hang on until the last ounce of strength was gone. The boy cries all the way to the shop to get coffee for the man and promises that from now on he will fish with his old mentor. A youngster who can empathize like that is not likely to deliberately hurt another human being.
I'm reminded of the scene from "Mr. Holland's Opus," where Mr. Holland requires the boy who showed no feelings for those less intelligent than himself; who considered himself better than a black boy in his class, to go to a funeral. The black boy had joined the armed services and gave his life for his country. Seeing the grief of the parents and others made an impact. The well done-scene showed the change in attitude of the on-looker, a change confirmed later in the picture.
Pier group attitudes and judgment of tender hearted ones as wimps or nerds--or whatever the present term may be--cause suppressions of emotions. Stoic composure does not indicate bravery. Resistance to impulses of kindness is not the mark of bravery and worth.
Does it take actual traumatic experiences to awaken impulses of compassion in people? Is that, and the availability of weapons, why mass murders and horrible crimes are committed by younger and younger people? I dare say the two boys of Jonesboro, Arkansas who ambushed their grade school buddies and teachers finally awakened, or will do so, to the tragedy of their acts--too late.
Most people refrain from taking children to funerals in order to protect them from sorrow and grief. Parents try to protect their children from all pain possible--even to the extent of not suffering the consequences of their own minor infractions of behavior. Is that wise? I don't know. Traumatic experiences in early childhood can cause dire damage to the developing psyche, either positive or negative. There are no easy answers. The only thing I know for sure is that children must be taught about emotions, what they are, which are normal, and appropriate ways to express emotions. How? How better teach than by modeling.
Reading helps children and others develop more caring attitudes because identifying with a character in a book or story allows experiencing the emotions in a safe environment. Rather than actually going through heartbreaking experiences in actuality they can, at least, get a touch of the emotions before hand, in safety, in privacy. A good movie offers such a chance--though I remember being embarrassed while leaving a movie with a red puffy face due to crying. I still cry at movies.
I also remember wondering just what "heart ache" or "broken heart" meant, except deep sadness. It was not until several years into adulthood that I fully understood that heart-ache is an actual physical pain, as well as emotional. Since then I have experienced it several times. The experiences have made me much more empathic, compassionate, capable of feeling others pain as my own--but I do not recommend it for a learning experience. My preacher says trials build faith and courage--but at such a tremendous expense.
Children and young people (and young is relative, could mean anyone) who take lives and then learn the meaning of heart ache are to be pitied. Such a wasted life they must endure, whether at the hands of a jury and judge or of their own making. They pay an awful price for their crimes--and the ones hurt pay an even greater price. God bless us all.