| A Word Edgewise by Mary Joe Clendenin |
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| A Word Edgewise by Mary Joe Clendenin |
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Last Updated 07/12/06
WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
One thing we all have in common is "fear." No, we are not all afraid of the same things, nor do we react to fear in the same way. Some grow by overcoming fear. In fact, we all grow by facing and overcoming some fears, but other fears remain unexplained, unaccounted for in any past experiences. They are just there--without reason, without explanation, settled in cement and bound to remain as lifelong inhabitants of our personalities.
Fear itself, the emotion, can cause emotional, physical, and performance failure. It produces worry and dread which cause headaches, backaches, heart failure--yes, one can be scared to death.
Dr. Murray Banks, a psychologist who worked many years om Bellview Hospital for the insane, said that most of the real "nervous breakdowns" were due to fear. Fear to face life responsibilities and demands. (He said "nervous breakdown" was not a correct name--no nerve broke down.) Fear can cause mental withdrawal, complete loss of touch with reality.
Yet, fear is not an unhealthy emotion, it's the degree that makes it threatening. You've heard of someone being paralyzed with fear, but sometimes it takes the fear to make another act, or to instill enough caution to prohibit a foolish act. One's particular fears reveal a great deal about their personalities.
My mother always said she worried more about me than about other children, because I was not afraid of anything. She was wrong. I have my fears, too. Most of them are controllable so that they don't interfere with what I want to do, but some are irrational--like fear of the dark. I know there is nothing there that was not there in the daylight, but in the dark "something" can reach out and grab you suddenly. Some hand can reach out from under the bed and grab your ankle. Do you get the idea that I have nightmares? I do. I dream many dreams each night, most are ridiculous, not scary, but many are dreadful, and I suppose, carry some of the dread to waking hours. I have no explanation of the source of the dreams or of the fright--like dreaming that I open a closet door and rats by the dozens drop on my head.
Some people are terrified of snakes. My friend Earleene who has a ranch that she manages and works, recently was running the shredder over some grain stubble before breaking the field to plant. She saw a huge rattle snake in front of the tractor. Fear made her cautious as she tried to figure a way to kill it. She didn't have a gun, or weapon to use, but was determined to kill her enemy. Fearing that if she drove directly over the snake, it might flop up in the tractor, she decided to back over the snake. Earleene had run over mesquite roots and limbs two or three inches in diameter and cut them, so she figured she could get the snake that way. She got the tractor in position and began backing. Sure enough, with a kerwhoop! she hit the snake and chopped him to pieces. Before Earleene got to the end of the round, a buzzard was there eating, and he was joined by a friend in a matter of seconds. Before my friend made a round, the birds had completed their meal--after all, she had cut the snake into bite size pieces for them.
My sister has a terror of storms. Just a little thunder storm can awaken panic feelings. Another friend is afraid of high places. Since the fear of heights makes driving freeways impossible, driving in the mountains, a nightmare, skyscraper buildings places of great dread, she has been working through hypnosis to overcome the fear--with much success.
Fear, in general, seems to be growing among us: more muggings, drive-by shootings, robberies. After all, we do have more to fear than ever before--is that really true? Yes, there is more crime--or at least we hear of more crime. A gruesome murder happens anywhere in the world and we hear about it before the body gets cool. Before communication was instantaneous, news might never get around. It took two years after the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation for the slaves in Texas to hear about it. I wonder how long it took for news of Lincoln's murder to reach the world. It took not even hours for news of Kennedy's assassination to spread across oceans.
Justified or not, fear causes panic, lack of action, dangerous reactions. Consider the old people in Boston who died of heat because they were afraid of opening their windows and doors and had no air conditioning. Consider the fear of traveling alone. Fear makes us cautious, causes us to weigh our actions. But fear also makes us worry ourselves sick, causes us to fail to see the beauty in nature, to help a stranger in need, to make a new friend quickly.
Like medicine, fear needs to come in balanced doses to be good for us. An over dose can harm, and an under dose can be just as fatal if it spurs us to act unwisely.
I don't have many answers to the problem. I know a few things that help. Facing your fears can often make them go away,. Instead of that gnawing unrecognized worry, identification can bring about precautions. "Whistling in the dark," getting on with the task in hand instead of dwelling on the imagined fears, can help. Whatever your method, call before you reach out and touch me in the dark. I have never screamed, but we might both find out that I could.